This Belle opines that the topics here are not readily considered in the life of a Southern Belle. However, with everything that I encounter and blog about it must stand against the litmus test of elegance, femininity and grace.
Esquire Theme by Matthew Buchanan
Social icons by Tim van Damme
03
Oct
No chain, no leather, no collar, no artifact can show you who you belong to as much as this simple gesture.
(Source: laenoirphotographer)
10
Jul
via Science Daily:
A father’s love contributes as much — and sometimes more — to a child’s development as does a mother’s love. That is one of many findings in a new large-scale analysis of research about the power of parental rejection and acceptance in shaping our personalities as children and into adulthood.
“In our half-century of international research, we’ve not found any other class of experience that has as strong and consistent effect on personality and personality development as does the experience of rejection, especially by parents in childhood,” says Ronald Rohner of the University of Connecticut, co-author of the new study in Personality and Social Psychology Review. “Children and adults everywhere — regardless of differences in race, culture, and gender — tend to respond in exactly the same way when they perceived themselves to be rejected by their caregivers and other attachment figures.”
Looking at 36 studies from around the world that together involved more than 10,000 participants, Rohner and co-author Abdul Khaleque found that in response to rejection by their parents, children tend to feel more anxious and insecure, as well as more hostile and aggressive toward others. The pain of rejection — especially when it occurs over a period of time in childhood — tends to linger into adulthood, making it more difficult for adults who were rejected as children to form secure and trusting relationships with their intimate partners. The studies are based on surveys of children and adults about their parents’ degree of acceptance or rejection during their childhood, coupled with questions about their personality dispositions.
Moreover, Rohner says, emerging evidence from the past decade of research in psychology and neuroscience is revealing that the same parts of the brain are activated when people feel rejected as are activated when they experience physical pain. “Unlike physical pain, however, people can psychologically re-live the emotional pain of rejection over and over for years,” Rohner says.
When it comes to the impact of a father’s love versus that of a mother, results from more than 500 studies suggest that while children and adults often experience more or less the same level of acceptance or rejection from each parent, the influence of one parent’s rejection — oftentimes the father’s — can be much greater than the other’s. A 13-nation team of psychologists working on the International Father Acceptance Rejection Project has developed at least one explanation for this difference: that children and young adults are likely to pay more attention to whichever parent they perceive to have higher interpersonal power or prestige. So if a child perceives her father as having higher prestige, he may be more influential in her life than the child’s mother. Work is ongoing to better understand this potential relationship.
One important take-home message from all this research, Rohner says, is that fatherly love is critical to a person’s development. The importance of a father’s love should help motivate many men to become more involved in nurturing child care. Additionally, he says, widespread recognition of the influence of fathers on their children’s personality development should help reduce the incidence of “mother blaming” common in schools and clinical settings. “The great emphasis on mothers and mothering in America has led to an inappropriate tendency to blame mothers for children’s behavior problems and maladjustment when, in fact, fathers are often more implicated than mothers in the development of problems such as these.”
09
Jul
B2B—Belle to Belle (A Belle having a Special Belle (s) to connect with through her journey in life)
What I have learned throughout my life is that a Belle to Belle system is not only a great thing to have but a necessity for the emotional maturity of any Belle.
19
Jun
Proverbs: “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.” (25:28)
Well…until some Peach deserves a little more Mint Julep than is usually required.
—-Isis
28
May
A safe answer…me and my SO consider this to be an answer to give when you want to avoid a fight. This is what we mutually agree upon. I on the other hand also consider that a safe answer is THE TRUTH but maybe without significant and specific details given to provide the TRUTH in more context. My SO says, it is not intended to be a lie (although he often travels down this vein with his “safe answers”) and with limited scope of the truth.
The question now is…is these definitions the same? Of course this Belle fully understands this concept and much better than my SO. Mainly because when I use a safe answer, it never evolves into a lie. So the answer is absolutely NOT!
This definition’s clarity is what trips up a layman in their attempt to avoid conflict or damaging someone’s ego when providing “safe answers”.
When a Belle tells her friend-Belle that her butt looks O.K. (not fatty with dents, LOL) when the friend-Belle could actually benefit from a better fitting pant or more flattering style of pant, the 1st Belle gives a “safe answer” as to not hurt her friends ego. Afterwards or better yet in conjunction, the 1st Belle also suggests that she and her friend-Belle have a shopping excursion so that she can recommend a cute style of pants that won’t attribute so much attention to her friend-Belle’s butt. A Belle will make sure that her friend-Belle keeps her ego intact, rediscovers the fun in shopping with her favorite Belle and ensures that both Belles are unmistakably dressed for any occasion.
A man typically will give a safe answer to not get in trouble for cheating on his wife or spending hundreds of dollars from his bank account on a bracelet he bought his mistress. The “safe answer” would go something like this…”I just bought her a token of appreciation” or ” I love her like a sister”, “We are just good friends”, “She’s my assistant”. Although these statements are true to a very small extent, they evolve into lies because those were not the true intentions of the actions. The true intentions would be to have a sexual affair with his Executive Assistant while living comfortably at home with his devoted wife and doting children.
Nowhere in the Belles’ scenario was there an intention to cover up a hurtful and demeaning act by the other. It was only to allow the Belles to arrange a scenario that would be more supportive of their relationship and benefit not only the other Belle but enhance the friendship.
If a Belle intends to use the “safe answer” technique, she should be sure that her intentions are well thought out. A Belle would also need analyze her timing of when she uses this technique because if unpolished it could backfire and destroy the relationships that have taken time, love and care to develop.
So here is some instruction on how to and when to use a safe answer.
Prerequisite skills: Compassion, Kindness, Generosity, Honor, Integrity, Loyalty, Quick-witted, Observant, Flexibility and Tact.
1. A Belle should understand the context and motive of the Topic or Question being asked either by herself of another person.
2. A Belle should understand the possible use of the “complete truth” and the “safe answer” and it’s future use whether immediate or delayed.
3. A Belle should be Quick-witted, Flexible and Observant of the discussion and process/guide the possible or desired outcomes.
4. A Belle should always show Compassion, Kindness and Tact towards the need of this topic to be discussed; thus, she will be able to quickly assess each person’s thresh hold of payoff for access to the “safe answer” or full disclosure.
5. A Belle will be loyal to HERSELF, HER STANDARDS, and HER FRIENDSHIPS.
6. A Belle will remain Honorable and maintain Integrity by remaining in the delicate framework of honesty.
Last but definitely not the final…
7. A Belle will be Generous in her ability to maintain an open and positive dialogue and resolve to the matter.
Start practicing my young Belles. It is an ART!
Yours Truly
27
May
Memorial day at the pool (Taken with instagram) Every Belle and a Belle in training has to get some sun and a little pool-side fun!
26
May
Melanin does a face good. (Taken with instagram) No need for Botox. My Southern Roots have done me well.
Your most profound and intimate experiences of worship will likely be in your darkest days—when your heart is broken, when you feel abandoned, when you’re out of options, when the pain is great—and you turn to God alone.
(Source: a-restless-wind)
A couple weeks ago, I put out the call for guest entries and the mysterious Heather replied. She commented anonymously, just that first name and a billion (well, nine) excellent clothing care suggestions. Wherever you are, Heather, I salute you and your fly-by-night informative way. Pay…
14
May
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